For a marvellous illustration of misused anger and the psychosis it can lead to, read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.
The main observation is that people choose romantic partners who match their Imago, or image: an amalgam of their primary childhood caretakers and surpressed portions of themselves. They do this because of an old-brain desire to recreate the familiar (and hence comfortable) conditions of their childhood.
However, as most people know, conflict is inevitable. Hendrix explains that this is a result of staying in the situation while not being conscious of what is going on: that we have chosen an Imago match for our mate. The proposed solution is to become conscious of why we chose our partner, and to use that to our advantage to heal both ourselves and our relationship.
The last third of the book is an exercise workbook for couples.
This book rings true, and I recommend it.